You all smell bad.

You all say you'll call but don't.

You all say you'll do something but don't.

You all have messy rooms.

You all do gross things like burping and farting.

You all say stupid shit at the wrong times.

You all piss me off.

Yeah, pretty much.


I'm sure someone less lazy than me will write up quite the list of things bitches do that drive us penises crazy.

Oh yeah, women are bad too. It just amazes me how men in Japan piss me off in all the same ways men back home did.

Well, men are men are men, ya know. I'm pretty sure we're the same in just about every culture. Havn't you seen the pbs specials on this, racist.

I haven't.

I do not smell bad. ASS

Fuck you bitch.

You women all are all the same

You slave over cock

You bitchz is crazay

And no matter how angry I want to be at you guys, all you have to do is say, "I'll be over in 15 minutes with some beer" and then everything is ok.

Your love for alcohol trumps your hatred of men. This is good.

No. In fact, I am perfect.

Don't like it, become a dyke. Guys won't change. You can.

I shower

I do call

I stick to my word

...ok, you got me on that one

I don't do that in public or around females

I really don't, I'm pretty good with my words

I think I have yet to piss you off



...



So here I go.


Don't be such a bitch. Get to know the 3+ billion men on earth before making blanket statements. That's like saying that all women hate sports and only like ponies.

Fuck you!

I don't smell bad. I don't call, but then again, I never make the promise that I will - so there's no disappointment.

You all smell bad: Not usually

You all say you'll call but don't: i never tell anyone ill call

You all say you'll do something but don't: Check

You all have messy rooms: Check

You all do gross things like burping and farting: Check (i even poop! )

You all say stupid shit at the wrong times: Check

You all piss me off: Most likely check

You all smell bad. I smell good! But I can't say the same for most of my friends, who are nerds afraid of showers >_<

You all say you'll call but don't. I always call

You all say you'll do something but don't. I keep my word.

You all have messy rooms. My room is so fucking messy... But that doesn't matter much, it's scary even when clean.

You all do gross things like burping and farting. I hold it in...

You all say stupid shit at the wrong times. Bingo! I do this. Not like I mean to, I just never have the right thing to say, especially around girls.

You all piss me off. Probably.

You guys are seriously gay.


Those are not questions to answer in list formation. Jesus.

But I DON'T smell!

I just hope you didn't move to Japan cause you hoped to find different kinds of men over there.

1. Send flowers to her office (for no reason at all!). Flowers anywhere are good!
2. Put your arm around her waist when you walk; don't do the casual "arm around her shoulder". Alternatively, hold her hand.
3. Make love to her. Have music playing, lights dimmed, rose petals, and lingerie.
4. Give her little gifts or surprises. Little things mean the most.
5. Play with her hair, but don't be annoying.
6. Put your arms around her waist when you are standing behind her.
7. Sleep with her when you can.
8. Don't just kiss her on the lips; Her cheeks, forehead, shoulders, neck, arms, stomach, and chin are great, too!
9. Make eye contact with her as much as possible.
10. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot.
11. Plan a perfect "date". Something other than the cliche Dinner and movie.
12. Tell her you love her (but only if you really do). Write her love notes, too.
13. Be sensitive to her needs.
14. Make her feel special around her friends and other people.
15. Make her birthday special.
16. Plan something big for Valentine's Day.
17. Make her feel like she is the most imortant thing in the world to you.. (at least once in a while.
18. Give her a massage for no reason at all and without her having to ask!

Not like I have anything better to contribute to the topic.

No. Instant fail.

Was this a myspace bulletin?

19. Grab her and split her like a piece of lumber.

I moved to Japan because I wanted to fuck around for a few years before starting my real life.

And I didn't mean all guys are like that all the time.

So, do you put EFFORT into being a bitch?

Yep, I'm most of those things. I won't apologize for who I am, you harpy!

The second I find a woman who appreciates a football game, a good steak, and the fact that I don't give a damn what she thinks is the second I consider anything on that list.

...oh wait...

wtf, I don't wwnt to be smothered, I just want a best friend who gets boners when he looks at me and knows what to do with his mouth on my vagina. Oh and showers.

it's sad, because girls think they want all of that, but when they get it and don't deserve it, they get bored and get rid of you

Yeah love it or leave it.

"How To Lose a Woman Fast."


Why the fuck aren't more women like you?

...

Fuck.

Being able to open jam jars is also a plus.

I have this technique that I swear any woman could use to open a jar.

Get a butter knife and spin the jar around periodically smacking the edge of the lid leaving little dents. Get all the way around, and I swear a child could twist the lid and it would pop off.

I do that too....when my mother can't open a jar.

I might try that. Vertical or horizontal dents? I do the boiling water trick but all methods seem to take forever. Holding it out to someone and getting the jar back open is great though.

Just hit the damn jar top once on the floor at a 45 degree angle. It's easy as hell.

That one could go all kinds of wrong when I have my 'GRAAAAH OPEN YOU BASTARD' rage on I think.

Or you could not be a queer and smack that bitch when she starts complaining.

JK, you're married so you probably know a little something about those vaginal life support systems called females.

Bulletind

or you could just make a hole on the lid with the knife and let all the air out. For some reason this allows you to open jars easier.

...or you could just open the damn jar. It's not rocket science.

No, it just comes naturally.

the real question is why is this female on the internet and not making dinner.

I don't know why Zebra's list is considered fodder for failure. In the right scenario a lot of those things can really show you give a shit...and how is that so bad?

Some of them were redundant though.

Also, if I could get out of having to shower, clean my room, calling, doing anything, holding in my gas, not saying anything stupid or not pissing a girl off, just with some beer...I would need multiple pinches to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

Because most guys that do all of those things are complete pussies and let women walk all over them.