In another topic, Joff posted this gem:

It reminded me of a younger time when I was foolish and dated girls based solely on their looks. Here is my story:

I dated this girl back in high school who was sort of prudish (bad call) and super Christian (nothing wrong with that, we just tend to not get along, Christians and I), but I stuck with it anyway because she had an awesome body, seriously.

So, here I am, idiotic 10th grade Legendary impressing this girl time and time again with my wit, gentlemanly demeanor, humor, charm, and stunning good looks. This goes on for almost a month. Eventually, we reach the point to where her shirt is finally coming off. I lean in, excitedly..

..and she has fucking hair on her chest.

Not like, a little bit. Not like, a smidgen of black. Not a tee-hee, sorry about that, giggle amount. No fucking sir.

This was like she had been cultivating a rather large patch of Breadbasket of America, Good Old Heartland, crop-growin', tractor-plowed Nebraska farmland for her entire life, and instead of corn, she planted BLACK CURLY PUBIC HAIRS.

Right now, I am twenty years old. I have had about seven years or so of growing body hair to try and grow a nice little bit on my chest. I've got some, and I dig it. At 20 years old, I do not even begin to APPROACH the amount of curly disgusting hair that chick had on her unshaven, unsightly bosoms. I felt like my face was going to melt off like that Nazi guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark just from being in such close proximity to her nasty-ass patch.

Yeah, I broke up with her over it. It wasn't the only thing, but it sure as shit helped the process along. Now she's pregnant and on methamphetamines, so who made the right call there?

This is not at all relevant to the conversation, but Joff's post reminded me of it and I felt like I needed to share it with someone.

In conclusion, yeah Joff, that shit AIN'T cool.

(My MSPaint rendition of this, coming soon.)

Feel free to share your own stories and compliment them with a picture drawn in Paint!

This girl was very good looking, great personality, ass like 12 year old boy, but she had more hair on her nipples than I have on head.

this girl had a dick one time

i just boned her butt instead

o_O

I...well...um...yeah.

O_o

I haven't done a lot of dating. Best one I've got is my girlfriend this summer, who often bitched about how her family used to be upper class and was now middle class. She grew up primarily in England and Canada, and didn't like America or Americans (except me ). Once, I was eating lunch with her and Jeff in this Italian restaurant in town, and we were talking about vacations.

Her: I think that kids deserve at least one trip every year.
Jeff: Well, what do you mean by "trip"?
Her: Well, it could be anything from a week in another country to--
Me and Jeff: *XFD*

idk, with this one dude abtu four months into the relationship he tells me he hears voices froma character he calls 'aries' He thinks he is haunted by his dead twin sister who died at birth and that she has taken refuge in him, as his feminine side. Explaining why he is overly feminine for a dude. He had gynecomastia too. He'd ask me if he could 'lay' with my vagina then he'd just scoot down to its level and stare at it.. He also had a foot fetish and even though i broke up with him like 2 years ago will still sometimes send me a message about how he still thinkks about me and stuff. Plus he got all weird and stalkery after said break-up which took months to get him off my back.

And out of all my previous boyfriends, he was the nicest.

oh I forgot about the claims of time travelling when he took a nap and woke up and his parents were back from their two week trip they left for right before the nap. The time when he was sick and felt an evil spirit come into his body(thats how the voices started). And how when he got baptized at 16 he got severly ill for days following.

It always seemed like he was lying for attention or sympathy and that never made sense to me.

That is really fucked up. Who just stares at a cooter? What in the hell?

If you knew he had all those weird beliefs about possession, you should have used them against him when he was stalking you.

And well, I can't fault the guy on time traveling. I've time traveled myself. I have a big time machine called Salvia.

That's because you breaking up with her sent her into a downward spiral. HOW MANY LIVES MUST YOU RUIN?!

A friend of mine still periodically gets messages from this weird-ass dude who says that one third of his soul is a vampire named Elzuzes or something retarded like that, and he'll just go on and on about how he hates everyone because they don't understand true pain. But he does. I presume because he's got a vampire inside him.

Uh...yea.

Common non-medical terms for gynecomastia include "bitch tits" [3], "man-boobs" or "moobs" "puffy nipples" and "puffed nips."[4]

ugh, yeah and I still have some other dudes who periodically try to get back in touch with me. One time this dude was like, I'm a 'celestial' and you wouldn't understand, and then tried to convince me he was a jesus type saviour. I have to woonder if this sort of crap workks on other girls...

If it didn't Charles Manson would never have gotten laid

I wonder what the people who profess these sorts of things actually believe. How do they think of themselves in their own minds? It's kind of sad, actually.

Although there is always the remote, but distinct possibility that they're telling the truth.


Masterstroke.

I went on a date with my first crush to see I<3Huckabees (first crush that I openly admitted, mind you) and although we went to an out of the way theater a "mutual" friend happened to be there and was third wheel status.

I don't talk to either of them anymore.

This kind of makes me wish I had a horrifying dating story to tell...but I guess I should be happy I don't.

I went to a movie with a girl a while back, and afterwards she went around telling all her friends that I tried to kiss her and all this shit.

Over two years later, I hear she still talks about it and actually believes that. Besides the fact that I'm married, the chick was a total zero in personality and ugly as sin, so I wouldn't hit that with the Torch of Gondor, but damn. Chick really must have been desperate for some action.

the first girl I went out with who I had a crush on, we were at some mom and pops resteraunt, and i said she was pretty, and she said thanks, then later she threw up on my shoes.

I don't date girls. What the fuck.

How do people on this board get dates?

the lack of optional MSPaint featurettes in this topic dissapoints.

Verily.

I once dated a girl with huge breasts. They were pretty massive. Well, we were going at it one afternoon and they started hitting her in the face. I mean, like she was getting punched by her tits. I laughed, she got pissed, and then I got blue balled.

That fucking bitch.

yeah right dude, you're like 10 who'd do anything with you?

Oh shit.

Did they feel like...bags of sand?

I'm almost 18...

and this is the girl, her name is Rachelle (Ruh-shell)

do you have some like.. delayed puberty disorder? No, seriously. I have a really hard time believing you're 18 unless there is something slow going on with your body. And thats unfortunate, you'll have a really hard time getting into bars and stuff.

I just fucking look young!

I have always been a late bloomer. The only way I can gauge it is by my dental records. I didn't get my twelve year molars until I was 15. And I hit my "early teenage" growth spert 8 months ago.

do you have to show i.d. at movies?


and do you have pubis hair yet?

Yes
Yes

Legendary, I really gotta give you props for getting a goody-christian chick with a soul patch on her chest to take her shirt off for you after only a month of dating...*golf clap*


I have no weird stories. One time my ex-girlfriend superglued her hand to my penis, but that was relatively painless in the end.

Thanks for the props.

I could regale this thread with my one-time foray into the perilous world of internet-met first dates, but I don't want to be the only dude sharing his ridiculous dating history.

Post more so I don't feel like such a weirdo!

You can't say this and not go into details.

MSPAINT DAMMIT!

Sorry guys! I said optional in the title because I recently cut the fuck out of my right hand on a jagged piece of metal.

I put optional because I thought it might be better in a few days and I could come back to this topic and make a Paint, but it still hurts like fuck. I had to get a tetanus shot.

Guaranteed, next time I can make Paints, I will paint out the ass for you guys.

Ouch, that sucks.

Now get better so you can Paint for us!

let's start this mspaint shit off........

I'M SORRY!!

The difference here is that Donald actually IS a Jesus-type savior.

I do not see the problem here.

hahaha beautiful!


And the only story I have isn't even horrific. It's just dumb. When I was like 15 there was this guy named James who had a monster crush on me. I kinda liked him too, but he was 17 and I was shy/afraid of rejection, plus I hadn't had a real boyfriend yet, so I didn't say anything. So one night during winter break (lol christmas), there was a knock at my door, and I answered it. James was standing there. He motioned for me to step forward, so I did. Suddenly, he held a fucking huge clump of grass over my head and started raping my mouth with his tongue. I was really confused because I didn't know he liked me and I'd never been kissed. When he was done, he said "I didn't have any mistletoe" and I said "oh."

We didn't talk for like two years after that. Then one day he showed up at my house on a motorcycle. We went for a ride and he told me how upset he was that I had a boyfriend right then. I was sad. I could have had a hot, motorcycle-riding, two-years-older than me boyfriend.

thanks



also... who uses grass for mistletoe ?