I was telling someone about connecting to a sql database with php. He says he knows everything about php/sql so I just tell him ok and if he needs me to call me. So 5 minutes later he calls me and asks me how to connect to a sql database.

I tried so hard not to laugh. So I type him up a random code to one of my test databases and he reads it and says he gets it kinda unsurely. I ask him if he is sure and he says yeah.

5 minutes later he calls me and in the middle of the question I ask him if he wants me to code it for him. He says "If you want..." so I do real fast. I ask him what the database name is, he tells me. I ask him what the database username is, he asks me what a database username is. My hand landed on my head.

This guy says he knows almost everything about SQL and PHP and he doesn't know what a database username is. *sigh* He is a phoney.

So I try to explain it to him and he pretends like he gets it. I let him go off the phone and just shake my head in the no motion.

EDIT: Lawl at forum view of this topic.

LMFAO!!!!!







what's a database?

Lol.

You should meet my boss.

I'm quite used to that though - I study a wonderful combination of mathematics, physics and chemistry - but yes, there's nothing better than 0wning someone in the nicest possible way .

That reminds me of someone I know who has claimed to be a computer genius since before I knew anything about computers. After one particularly trying session of listening to him go on about what a 1337 hacker and programmer he was, I opened up a text editor where I had some PHP code typed up and asked him for some help. To exemplify the level of cluelessness, the first question I asked was:

Me: I forgot what language I was writing in, I need a hand. .Can you tell me if this is C, Perl, PHP, or Python?

Him: I know how to use all of those, and this isn't like anything I've ever seen.

Me: Damn, I wish I knew as much as you did, that way I wouldn't have to worry so much about getting stuff done.

Him: Yeah, I mean I don't know what you expect to accomplish with this kind of code. Whenever I program in C or C++ I use a GUI.

Me: *laughter ends the conversation abruptly*

Ouch. Please tell me he wasn't a colleague.

No, this was several years ago, someone I used to know from around the way. He would come up with the wildest stories, you'd think he was James Bond if you believed half of what he said. One thing I have to give him was that he was as strong as a bull, and was skilled in martial arts. Still not sure exactly which type, because he claimed that he learned them in Japan in a secret organization that he subsequently took control over before having been expelled for some insane reason I can't remember....I never did call him out on any of his shit since I once saw him stick a knife consistently with sickening accuracy in a target I had set up in my backyard.

Oh, come on, guys.

After all, this is the Internet.

It's only a series of tubes.