Just wondering, because no matter how funny someone is, they are 10 times better while drunk. I recall a time when I didn't know the effects of alcohol. I was about 9, and my grandfather had a lot of beer. He was in the backyard, and when attempting to reenter the house, he ran into the glass patio door. He stopped and looked really confused, then tried to walk through again! After a minute or so of confusion, someone just opened it for him. When I asked what was wrong, my dad had told me "Son, that's why you don't want to drink when you're our age".

I've done some pretty funny/stupid stuff.

I told someone at some point that their shirt smelled like plaid.

I maintain that stance.

-I made out and copped a feel with a dude after knowing him for 5 minutes ,if that. I can't even remember his face.

-My friends and I used to play quarters often. One day we ran out of vodka so we started using beer, well the first guy to do it puked, but he tried to hold it in with his hand but it spewed out through the crevices between his fingers.

-My friends and I trying to skateboard while pretty drunk.

-Oh, my personal favorite. I had had about 5 or 6 shots of 99 bananas when my friend called me and told me she wanted me to go with her to the battle of the bands so we did. Everything is kind of a blur but I do remember after we went to a convenience store because I had to piss. I asked her to get me a bottle of water so she did. When I came out she said "alright let's go" carrying a slushie and a bottle of water. As we're almost out she says "I didn't pay for this." I start freaking out and I say "hurry, hurry let's get to the car!! Hurry unlock it!!" At this point she starts laughing and tells me she paid for it. What a bitch. I still love her though. We still laugh about it to this day.

- Some chick at the Lady Sov concert I was at just started throwing her clothes onstage. Her friends were pretty embarassed when she hurled her bra up their and Sov picked it up and started comment on how large and dirty it was.

- My dad was really drunk one time and was having a heated discussion with my uncle about something or the other. He got really pissed, stood up and just spit beer on him.

My most famous quote at school is from one night I drank two bottles of mad dog 20 20, funneled one of them. While being blackout drunk i was punching the walls in my friends suite screaming "fuck walls, we need more windows." Later that night when the alcohol fully kicked in, my friends decided to on demand a movie. I guess one of the movies that I saw them scrolling through was Cronicles of Narnia and I started screaming "we need to watch fucking Cronicles of Narnia, you know, Cronic WHAT cles of Narnia, PASS THE Cronic WHAT cles of Narnina" and so on untill the picked a movie which wasn't Cronicles of Narnia. I guess I was so pissed that I got up said "fuck you guys, I'm talking my magnolia cupcakes and getting the fuck out of here" and left.

I have too many stories. My friend calls me after calling the Boston Police Dept. 5 times saying that he was out of beer and giving them his address so they could drop off a least one keg that they have siezed that night.

I think you're the heaviest drinker here.

lol@Usurper


Anyway um

- One time, my best friend was drunk and people kept calling her Fatney, so she said she was going to burn off her fat with a cigarette. She's a size 0, mind you. It was funny as shit. She also tried to cut herself with a credit card.

- I got drunk, freaked out at someone and drove off. Later they called and I told them my head was bleeding, I hit a tree, and then I said something about horses. Truly, I was at another friend's house getting more drunk. By the end of the night I was rolling around in Chex mix and puke. Normally I don't puke so that was pretty funny. That night, I also fell into a door, landing on the floor, roffling, and disturbing the sleep of a couple inside the room. And theeeen, I told all the guys they should just all cum in my hair because it was a good moisturzer.

- Another time, my best friend and I were drunk and being lovey. I told her that I loved her so much that were she in Pokemon Snap, I'd take a picture of her. Then I sat outside on the ground trying to rap about zombies and other shit while she was passed out on the ground and black people crowded around us laughing & asking if we were going to get freaky.

- Perhaps the best/funniest was when both my friend & I were drunk in her bed. In the morning, when I woke up...I realized she had pissed in my hair.

My dad got plastered once and became argumentative and pissy. After a lecture or two on how he hates his parents, he went outside, pushed the lawnmower (off, not on) around our dinky little three foot-deep pool a few times before passing out right there in the grass.

Dove into a pool buck-naked in the dead of winter.

What a night.

lol, no. Different strokes for different folks, motherfucker.



How did you not wake up during that?

When my mom used to drink, she would sit on the front porch and play her music kind of loud. One day, a bunch of these thug guys came by and were like, "Turn that shit off!" and my mom was like, "Shut the fuck up, that rap shit isn't music, you don't know music when you hear it! This is music!" and turned it up full blast. And it was probably something lame like Alan Jackson or something. I was kind of scared they would shoot her. :mellow:

When I was in Japan, I was standing outside a convenience store waiting for my friend to get out of the bathroom, and there were these 4 Japanese guys sitting on the curb drinking. I was pretty drunk myself, so I sat down with them and started talking. One of them said he wanted to kiss me, so I kissed him on the cheek. Then all three of his friends were like "Me too! Me too!" so I just went down the line and kissed all of them. Later that night I came back to that convenience store because I had to use the bathroom, and one of those guys was in there puking his guts out. So me and my friend were banging on the door and telling him to get the fuck out, and he was yelling some shit at us we didn't understand, so we left. And then I walked like a mile to use a bathroom at another store, when I could have just went home because it was a block away.

One of my friends came out of the bathroom soaking wet one time and my other friend says, "Did you just take a shower?" and the drunk kid looks at him and goes "Dude, I don't even know." and proceeds to just walk away.

My friend threw a D battery at my other friends lip in a drunken rage.

Funniest fuckin shit I've ever seen.

The other night I was all like "I want to pour this pepsi on my head." and then I actually did it.

Then the very next night, my friend pissed the bed with me in it...again.

You amuse me

My fraternity did a drunken photo/video scavenger hunt last Spring, and there was some great stuff that night. Some stuff I remember that aren't inside jokes...

-Our big (6'5 and probably 300lbs) friend approached the porch of some random house party to ask if anyone there was under the age of 18 so they could kick him in the balls; something on the list. Some girl come forward and knocked the fuck out of him.

-Putting my lanky friend into a shopping cart and running him full speed into a curb while he used a random OSU flag as a cape. After flipping enough to lose his wallet in the dark, he said "it was fun!"

-I set my leg and chest hair on fire.

I guess all my stuff is had-to-be-there.

I woke up after this house party at like 5am, and I didnt have my car there, so I went out in the drive way and starded looking in the windows to see who was a big enough dumbass to leave their keys in their car. Luckly this one girl was dumb enough and I stole her car and drove it to mine.

This topic has many prime examples of why drunks PHAIL MISERABLY.

Ice?

Last night I was drinking with some friends and skating on his lake. Drunk people ice skating is hilarious.

Not in california. I don't think it's arctic enough to have pools freeze.

I was playing the game Taboo, and because i'm super-awesome at that game, I started drinking heavily to handicap myself, so I ended up yelling ridiculous answers at people and then picked up one of my roommates and used her as a battering ram against her friend for some reason.

In Ireland, this kid was trying to get into our room at the hostel (he was with our group though), and we opened it and he sort of fell in halfway and goes "Paaaaaaartyyyyyyyy tiiiiiiiiiiimmmmme!" as we try to shut the door. Then he was like "what, you guys don't want to party?" as we were slamming his head in the door trying to get him out.

Another time, different hostel, I'm laying in bed, the lights are out, and this kid opens the door and slowly lurches in while I get up and ask what he's doing. He looked around, realized it wasn't the bathroom with a terribly heartbroken look on his face and just made it out the door before a solid gallon of vomit just sort of tumbles out past his lips while he continues wandering around. I just sort of shut the door and went back to bed.

One night we had been drinking quite a bit, and we decided to play hide and go seek in the dark. while tryin to explain the rules to my friend greg he just blurted out

"These rules fucking bamboozle me!"

Im pretty sure we all laughed for ten minutes.

probably not the funniest drunk moment ive witnessed, but i love that phrase.

Once my friend Kiefer had awful breath, so i offered him a mentos. He firmly believed it was date rate. He took it finally, then he exclaimed 'why does this date rape taste minty!'

Anthony once begged us to stop at McDonalds because his tongue was thirsty.

As for myself, over the summer I was at the bar and drunk 4 times a week. The stories are endless and numerous. I'll give the first one that comes to my mind:

On Tuesday night in the summer I went out to the local country bar and got shtfcd. I dont remember how I got home. The next morning I woke up 3 hours late for work, in my hallway with carpet indents in my face. There was a Tim Hortons sandwhich beside me. My wallet was in some guys car, and my sandals were in the middle of the street in front of my house. lol.

Oh one other time, a lame moment, i was drunk and I seen a friend that I chatted with online and irl, but I shouted out "hey its netminder from nexopia!!".. wow I'm smooth.

I've had some crazy shit happen.

One time I woke up buck naked, alone with an entire bottle of empty hot sauce next to me. The contents? All over my back and ass. Apparantly I had gotten a hot sauce massage from some girl who lived down the hall from me.

Another time I apparantly decided I was dirty, so I ran away from the bar (which is a good two mile hike from my dorm) and ran into the shower fully clothed. When my friends found me (tI had conveiniently forgotten to close the shower curtain) I was curled up under the handicapped seat in my underwear.

One time I was puking my guts out at this club and my friend had to drive me home...and the whole way home he had the window down in case I had to puke and I just kept screaming "GREG...PUT THE FUCKING WINDOW UP, I HAVE TO PUKE!!"

Another time we had a fire drill at like 3 in the morning, and it just took forever for the fire department to get there. While we were waiting, one of my drunk friends was cold and like "I guess I might as well just start practicing being homeless while we're out here...anyone got a box, preferably a refirgerator box so my trasition to homelessness can be slightly more comfortable?"

I got a bundle of these.

A drunk guy once told me I could fuck his girlfriend any time I wanted. Note that I only met that guy about 4 hours earlier.

One of my old dorm mates threw a vacuum cleaner and couch out a window and beat his chest like a gorilla.

Another one ran out in the middle of a severe thunder and rainstorm and challenged everyone to a fight because his girlfriend cheated on him and he was already wasted.

Well....did you?

I have had a few proposals? That is always funny. Guy tried to give me his wallet once. Though the guy who actually tried to give me his friend as a gift was the funniest. Actually lifted him up and handed him to me.

those are wonderful!

An old friend of mine's dad was a raging alcoholic. Two fifths of Wild Turkey a night. Most nights he'd just pass out in the doorway to the back porch mid-cigarette. One time, though, I came upstairs from the garage to use the bathroom and I saw him in his tighty whities swinging the caller id unit around his head like he was trying to lasso something. I went to the bathroom, came out, and found him in the living room, still in his underwear, trying to powerlift the television set.

To make a long story short, that TV never quite worked right from that night on.

Walk up to the curb of a busy street and start pissing on passing cars.
Run full speed and then smash face first into the ground.
Hit on a tranny.
Try to jump fifteen feet from one balcony to another. He was not allowed to by concerned onlookers.
Walk into a 7-11, piss ON the bathroom door, and walk out.


Uh, plenty more. Can't really think of them all.

Last night, my friend & I went to the bathroom. She decided that she had to pee in the sink. It was a must.

One of my friends staggered around, told everyone there he loved them, then pulled up his pants leg and pissed on the side of their house right in front of everyone.

And while I was dragging him back to the room, he started talking Polish to random guys on the street.

Good times, good times.